Several nights ago Eric (my hub), Donnie and I watched the movie the Aristocrats. Let us take a trip down reation lane:
So I was recently one of seven students from OIC to style hair for our very own Pear Blossom pagent. My "princess" was actually pretty cool, not a typical pagent girl. When I first met her about a week ago to try some do's for the big day I found out that she is funny, sarcastic and pretty. I told her she'd win... I also told everyone else. Day of the pagent I was privilaged to meet some of the ladies behind the scenes, living out their dreams of pagent days gone bye. Make-up: Mary Kay -- nuff said. Hair: OIC and 2 local stylists of a prominent tanning salon which will remain unamed. One of the ladies, let's call her 'Jan', was responsible for the choreography of a dance the princesses had to perform on stage in unison. Sort of a Western Boot Scoot Crappy. What I really mean is it blew. And while the poor cowgirls were paraded around on stage, we were delighted with a lovely singing trio of robust women covered in denim. The next delight we experienced was none other than a mime. This act was titalating for about five minutes. Twenty-five minutes later I found myself picturing all sorts of mime related deaths. We were also treated to a pianist, a barbershop quintet, and twenty or so kids in a jumprope gang. Now don't get the wrong impression most of these acts were performed by local hacks, this was not some portion of a talent show. Although if I was really being honest the jumprope gang rocked! About three quarters through the show the co-ordinator/president whatever her title was, gave a hefty speech, mostly concerned with what the pagent is and was created for. Then she addressed the princesses. She was telling them all sorts of advice she of her many years had come to find out. Including an analogy that started with something like "live your life like a dog" and "let others touch you". But it really got good when she told a personal story. How she would stress every year that the pagent would go perfect, no mistakes, until one year... She hadn't ate anything in a couple of DAYS (that emphasis is coming from me not her) "you know how it is ladies when your trying to lose some weight" (she is also addressing the audience with this one). Apparently at the end of the pagent, at an after party of sorts she ate four whole pieces of cake. And her lesson here was about how if every year she ate four pieces of cake the pagent would go perfectly, and it always did. Now I don't know about anyone else, but what I took from that was anorexia plus glutony equals tradition! All in all the pagent satisfied my entertainment needs like a skeezy FOX reality show, and I lapped it up like a kitten. Oh, and by the way did I mention I did AMAZING hair and my girl won. Coincident?
